Aniyah Grace

Lyndon and Janae first connected with me the week of Thanksgiving. I could tell right off the bat that this wasn't their first time through an adoption journey. After speaking with them for a couple of weeks, they decided to sign on with Christian Adoption Consultants. I was thrilled to be a small part of their family's story of adopting again! 

Even though I had only known them for a few weeks, their faith that God would lead them to the child meant for their family was inspiring. Right off the bat, Lyndon and Janae chose to present and were told "no" twice. Although this can be heart wrenching, I watched from afar as they stood firm on God's timing for their family. Little did they know, He had something in the works for them. 

On January 2, Janae was contacted by a dear friend who had been in contact with the nurse who helped deliver her daughter that she adopted. This nurse had a daughter who was due at any time and was choosing to make an adoption plan. 

Lyndon and Janae stepped out in faith and said yes to a vastly unknown situation. What followed in the hours after saying yes was a whirlwind! After hardly adjusting to the fact that they were matched, they were told they needed to start driving because the expectant mother was in active labor. During the morning on January 3, Aniyah Grace was born! 

When I asked Janae what it was like meeting Aniyah for the first time, this is what she said: 

Usually I get so nervous and worked up over new things like this. But we all were so at peace as we walked into the hospital and met the family. Aniyah's birth mother and I hugged each other and I gave her a hard copy of our profile book so she could have it since this was such a quick match. The hospital nicely gave us a private room and they wheeled Aniyah in. Our hearts could hardly contain all her sweetness! It was such a wonderful experience and I still hardly have any words for it. We feel so blessed and awed by our great God! He’s a miracle worker! 

Are They Both Yours?

We were checking out at our local grocery store and I had both my boys in the grocery cart. The cashier asked, "Are they both yours?"

"Yep!",  I replied as I was becoming used to. Often times this was sufficient and no more questions were asked. 

But then she asked "So one has brown skin and the other is light skinned?"

I stared at my boys in the cart and saw that my oldest who has gorgeous brown skin listening intently. In that moment, my heart broke because he was old enough to understand her question.
I quickly replied, "Yep. He has the skin we are all jealous of! I wish I could be effortlessly tan!

I felt like my response wasn't enough and that I had failed my son who was listening intently. Since then, I've come to realize that I have to be prepared for these questions. We didn't enter into a multi-racial family with education that prepared us for these everyday situations. It's been 7 years of failing, listening to others, and researching ways to honor the way God created our family. Here are three practical tips from what I've learned along the way: 

Model How to Respond

They are watching us and listening to how we respond to different questions. How I respond is how my children will respond. Although my response at the grocery store was not bad in any way, I didn't like how off guard it made me feel. I wanted to be sure we had a go-to response that we as a family could use since any of us could be asked these things. After bouncing off some ideas with other adoptive families, we have rested upon "families don't have to match" as the response we keep in our back pocket. It's to the point and gentle. It allows for J to share more if he feels comfortable as he gets older and also allows him to simply keep it at that. 

Choose a School That Has Diversity 

We started J out in a private school. It was a great education but we quickly found that he was surrounded by children who were blonde haired and blue eyed. He was already feeling insecure about his deep brown eyes, so we didn't want him to grow up in constant environments where blue eyes were staring back at him. J now goes to our local public school where he is no longer the minority. He is surrounded by children who reflect him and some who don't. We knew we made the right choice when we got this picture from his teacher last year: 

That smile says it all!

I realize that some families choose to home school. First of all, I have the utmost respect for you if that's what you're choosing to do for your family! I think what is most important here, though, is that if you're adopting a child of a different race then you need to be intentionally giving that child experiences where they aren't always the minority. That might mean going to a different church once in awhile or signing your child up for activities where there are a diverse group of children. 

Let Your Child Talk About Their Differences

Kids notice differences so early! J was 4 years old when he started asking why he had brown eyes and I had blue eyes. He would then name everyone in our family who had blue eyes because he had been keeping track even before he put words to it. My wise husband has since started a bedtime ritual where J says the same three things right before a good night kiss - I am kind. I am smart. I have cool brown eyes. This gives him a nightly affirmation that the way he was designed is wonderful and not something he needs to feel ashamed of. 

We have to allow for a space where our kids who may not look like us to talk about it. We don't want to just push it under the rug and act like they don't see it because they do. We need to validate their feelings of being different within our families and also help them to see the beauty in the way God designed them to be. 

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

Brown Eyes & Blue Eyes

We were cuddling in his bed when he looked me and said, "Mommy, you have blue eyes." I was a little taken aback because he's never noticed before but I responded by saying, "Yes, I do. What color are your eyes?" Without missing a beat, he exclaimed, "Blue!"

To be honest, my heart ached for a moment. I gently corrected him by saying, "Nope, you have brown eyes. I love your brown eyes!" That was the end of the conversation and I thought maybe it was a one time thing. You know, just something he noticed and he could move on from.

However, the next day as I was making dinner and the whole family was hanging out in the kitchen, he randomly said, "Griffin has blue eyes. Daddy has blue eyes. Mommy has blue eyes. But I have brown eyes." I looked at Tim and saw tears welling up. The only thing I could come up with in the moment was, "Yes, you're right. But do you know who else in our family has brown eyes?" He didn't know and so I rattled off all the family members that have brown eyes too. This seemed to appease his curiosity but I am still here two weeks later wondering if I handled it correctly.

You see, it's starting. The questions. The noticing of differences. What I want him to know is that without his brown eyes, he wouldn't be him. If he grew in my womb, he wouldn't be Jacob. I love him and his brown eyes. His tan skin (admittedly I'm jealous of this). His huge smile. His extroverted personality. His determination. His gusto for life.

Although he'll never hear the words "You look like your dad", my heart yearns for him to feel comfortable in his skin and in our family despite that. Because we know full well, biology does not make a family. God makes families.

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +