Aniyah Grace

Lyndon and Janae first connected with me the week of Thanksgiving. I could tell right off the bat that this wasn't their first time through an adoption journey. After speaking with them for a couple of weeks, they decided to sign on with Christian Adoption Consultants. I was thrilled to be a small part of their family's story of adopting again! 

Even though I had only known them for a few weeks, their faith that God would lead them to the child meant for their family was inspiring. Right off the bat, Lyndon and Janae chose to present and were told "no" twice. Although this can be heart wrenching, I watched from afar as they stood firm on God's timing for their family. Little did they know, He had something in the works for them. 

On January 2, Janae was contacted by a dear friend who had been in contact with the nurse who helped deliver her daughter that she adopted. This nurse had a daughter who was due at any time and was choosing to make an adoption plan. 

Lyndon and Janae stepped out in faith and said yes to a vastly unknown situation. What followed in the hours after saying yes was a whirlwind! After hardly adjusting to the fact that they were matched, they were told they needed to start driving because the expectant mother was in active labor. During the morning on January 3, Aniyah Grace was born! 

When I asked Janae what it was like meeting Aniyah for the first time, this is what she said: 

Usually I get so nervous and worked up over new things like this. But we all were so at peace as we walked into the hospital and met the family. Aniyah's birth mother and I hugged each other and I gave her a hard copy of our profile book so she could have it since this was such a quick match. The hospital nicely gave us a private room and they wheeled Aniyah in. Our hearts could hardly contain all her sweetness! It was such a wonderful experience and I still hardly have any words for it. We feel so blessed and awed by our great God! He’s a miracle worker! 

Are They Both Yours?

We were checking out at our local grocery store and I had both my boys in the grocery cart. The cashier asked, "Are they both yours?"

"Yep!",  I replied as I was becoming used to. Often times this was sufficient and no more questions were asked. 

But then she asked "So one has brown skin and the other is light skinned?"

I stared at my boys in the cart and saw that my oldest who has gorgeous brown skin listening intently. In that moment, my heart broke because he was old enough to understand her question.
I quickly replied, "Yep. He has the skin we are all jealous of! I wish I could be effortlessly tan!

I felt like my response wasn't enough and that I had failed my son who was listening intently. Since then, I've come to realize that I have to be prepared for these questions. We didn't enter into a multi-racial family with education that prepared us for these everyday situations. It's been 7 years of failing, listening to others, and researching ways to honor the way God created our family. Here are three practical tips from what I've learned along the way: 

Model How to Respond

They are watching us and listening to how we respond to different questions. How I respond is how my children will respond. Although my response at the grocery store was not bad in any way, I didn't like how off guard it made me feel. I wanted to be sure we had a go-to response that we as a family could use since any of us could be asked these things. After bouncing off some ideas with other adoptive families, we have rested upon "families don't have to match" as the response we keep in our back pocket. It's to the point and gentle. It allows for J to share more if he feels comfortable as he gets older and also allows him to simply keep it at that. 

Choose a School That Has Diversity 

We started J out in a private school. It was a great education but we quickly found that he was surrounded by children who were blonde haired and blue eyed. He was already feeling insecure about his deep brown eyes, so we didn't want him to grow up in constant environments where blue eyes were staring back at him. J now goes to our local public school where he is no longer the minority. He is surrounded by children who reflect him and some who don't. We knew we made the right choice when we got this picture from his teacher last year: 

That smile says it all!

I realize that some families choose to home school. First of all, I have the utmost respect for you if that's what you're choosing to do for your family! I think what is most important here, though, is that if you're adopting a child of a different race then you need to be intentionally giving that child experiences where they aren't always the minority. That might mean going to a different church once in awhile or signing your child up for activities where there are a diverse group of children. 

Let Your Child Talk About Their Differences

Kids notice differences so early! J was 4 years old when he started asking why he had brown eyes and I had blue eyes. He would then name everyone in our family who had blue eyes because he had been keeping track even before he put words to it. My wise husband has since started a bedtime ritual where J says the same three things right before a good night kiss - I am kind. I am smart. I have cool brown eyes. This gives him a nightly affirmation that the way he was designed is wonderful and not something he needs to feel ashamed of. 

We have to allow for a space where our kids who may not look like us to talk about it. We don't want to just push it under the rug and act like they don't see it because they do. We need to validate their feelings of being different within our families and also help them to see the beauty in the way God designed them to be. 

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

Children's Books We Love

When it came to finding books that were representative of our family, my eye first went to books based on adoption. However, I quickly learned that those left me disappointed. They either didn't use positive adoption language (for example:"gave up for adoption") or only showed families that looked alike. I was then on the hunt for books that weren't only geared toward adoption, but were simply geared on showing different types of families/people/emotions. With that being said, here are the top 5 children's books we love in our home:

1. We Are Family

We particularly love this book because it shows so many multi-racial families. My absolute favorite line is "We handle things together, we feel each other's pain. Family is the silver lining, the sunshine after the rain."

2.  We're Different, We're the Same

This book is great because it celebrates our differences through our mouths, hair, and eyes. On the flip side it also walks through how we are the same, which is important too. My favorite line is "We're the same. We're different. That's what makes the world such fun. Many kinds of people, not just one!"

3. As Real As It Gets

This is the only adoption focused book we have on our kids' bookshelf. When I found it at an adoptive parent conference, I about cried looking through it. Our oldest son was going through a stage where he was finding power in hurtful words, particularly about him not being my biological son. This book's words are spot on and the illustrations are phenomenal at portraying the emotion of the child. My favorite line is when the mother responds, "I'm as real as it gets and I'm not giving up. I'm your mother in truth. Your mother. Forever."

4. Families, Families, Families! 

This is a really fun book that goes through different types of families. A few examples are some kids live with an aunt, some children's parents are married, and some children are adopted. It literally walks through about every combination of family you can think of! My favorite line is: "...one stepsis, three stepbros, two stepmoms, and a prize-winning rose, a robot butler to serve you tea, the world's biggest grandpa, or whatever it might be. If you love each other, then you are a family."

5.  I Love You So...

This is a great book for toddlers and preschoolers. It describes a parent's love in multiple ways and even goes into how a parent still loves a child even when they've "broken the rules or made a big mess".  My favorite part in the book is at the very end, "I can't imagine life before you came along. You are the music to my dance and my song. I am meant for you, and you are meant for me, the one I love forevermore. Undeniably." 

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +