Our First Dinner With His Birth Family

It had been a year of J being in foster care and we continued to build trust with J's biological grandma and aunt. We planned to meet up days before Christmas for dinner. We were anxious and didn’t know what to expect as we headed there. What will we talk about? What if J throws a fit? What if this is really awkward? We got there fifteen minutes early and expected to wait a little while, but as we walked in we were welcomed with waves and smiles. They had been there a half an hour early, which showed they were just as anxious as us and excited to see him. 

There was no talk of the weather, sports, or work; rather, there was meaningful conversation that flowed easily. I remember being amazed at how comfortable we were around them. It was the typical family eating together, as any outsider would observe. His grandma chased him around the restaurant, helped me change him into his pajamas, joked that his temper tantrums are a family trait, and brought a galore of gifts for him. His aunt was taking pictures, giggling at all his expressions, and gushing at how cute he was. 

We discussed the future and they, once again, reassured us that they wanted us to adopt him. We, in return, reassured them that we wanted to keep them in our life and made plans to meet up consistently. 

As we were leaving, we all hugged each other (plus we got kissed on the cheek by grandma). As his grandma was pulling away after a second hug, she said, “I love you guys!” To my surprise, without hesitation, I said, “We love you too!” And honestly, we really do. We are all family now, because of J. 

This dinner would be just the first of many to come. In fact, our relationship has evolved to the point that they've been to our home many times. They are invited to birthday parties and sit at the same table as our extended family. Has it been perfect? No. But what relationship is? There have been seasons where we've seen them every other month and seasons where it's longer in between. Not because of any animosity, but because life happens. On both sides, there is a mutual respect and love that we understand when plans need to be changed or cancelled. They've been so gracious to us over the years!
Many hopeful adoptive parents are guarded when it comes to open adoption. It's the assumption that the biological family with co-parent in a way and that they are obligated to meet up all the time. That is not the case, though. With boundaries that are respected by everyone, open adoption actually reminds me a lot of a relationship you might have with your in-laws. They are there to love on our children, celebrate the good times, and we support each other through tougher times. 

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +