Our Youngest (Part 3 of 3)

G was napping while J and I finished up lunch. My phone got a text notification so I gazed at it shortly to see who it was from. It was from J's biological grandmother so I picked it up to see what it said. "Would you and Tim be open to adopting again?" I stared at it for a while puzzled and then replied, "Yes, we've talked about it." After a number of texts back-n-forth, tears started streaming down my face. J asked, "What's wrong, Mommy?"

Nothing was wrong. Instead, I had learned on that mundane day that we might be becoming a family of 5. There were conversations that needed to happen first, though. I called Tim and told him the information I knew. He was on board immediately! After that, I called Tim's sister who also happens to be an adoption consultant to see what our next steps were. We'd been through an adoption before, but that was through foster care. Adoption through a private match is a completely different world.

• Find an agency 
• Pay for and complete a home study
• Fundraise
• Apply for grants
• Find a lawyer
• Annnnnnd wait. 

The due date came and went, which was all too familiar. However, this time it wasn't my body. I couldn't schedule to be induced because it's her body and her choice. After a couple weeks past the due date, Mama E decided it was time. She gave us the time that she would be induced and graciously invited us to be there. It was evening which then turned into night time. We wanted to give her privacy but also didn't want to miss the birth so we stayed in the waiting room nearby. 

Night turned into those early morning hours and still no baby. Mama E was exhausted from laboring all night and trying to push for about an hour. Around 6 A.M. we were told by staff to go get some breakfast as they were giving her a little more time to rest before she'd start pushing again.

We found a vending machine and ate some granola bars while staring off in silence. Tim is the calm one of us but he was clearly struggling with the intensity of the situation. We quite literally had no control and had to fully trust in God like never before. We rested in those few quiet moments and then decided to head back up. 

As we approached Mama E's room, she made eye contact with us. She gleefully asked, "Did you see HER yet!?! She's down in the nursery!" We hadn't know the gender of the baby because the ultrasounds were not clear enough. So when my husband heard it was a girl he was so overcome with joy that tears soaked his cheeks. He had longed for a daughter. It was more then just "a daughter would be nice", but truly something I believe God planted in his heart. 

We were escorted to the nursery and there was E screaming her sweet little head off. We each took one of her hands and she wrapped her tiny fingers around ours. I gently whispered in a rhythmic way, "Shh..Shh..Shh" over and over until she finally settled (and to this day, that "shh...shh..shh" still soothes her). 

Mama E was transferred to the postpartum unit with E and she again graciously invited us to stay. She held E for awhile and then said, "Ok, it's your turn to hold your daughter!"

                       

All three of us relished in how adorable E was and took turns feeding, holding, and smiling at her. Evening was setting in and we made the decision to get a hotel for the night. This not only allowed for us to get some sleep after 24 hours of no sleep, but it also allowed Mama E and E some sacred time together. Was it hard? Absolutely. However, this one night away will never compare to how hard it was for Mama E to leave us with E the next morning.

This is where selflessness and bravery are on full display in Mama E. The next morning, she was discharged. She was wheeled out of the hospital with her eyes full of tears and her arms empty. In that moment, Tim and I had no words. What could we say? Thank you isn't enough. So all we could do was embrace her.

We stayed at the hospital with E for the rest of the day and she was discharged the following morning. We headed home to introduce her to two boys who were eagerly waiting for her arrival. Once we got home, the boys were magnets to her. Those few minutes were the best of my life - seeing how excited they both were and how J (who can talk your ear off) was speechless with a permanent smile on his face. Contentment filled my soul because I knew E made our family complete.

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

Our Oldest (Part 1 of 3)

It was a typical winter day. There was a dusting of snow on the ground and we were out running errands. We were on our way home when Tim's phone rang with an unfamiliar number. When Tim answered, his face immediately changed. I could see him processing some very shocking information, but I didn't know what it was. He finally said, "A 3 month old baby boy?" I knew right then that this was it. Ten days earlier we had received our foster care license and it was actually happening in that moment. Tim asked the caller for a moment to discuss the details with me, put his hand over the phone, and looked at me wide-eyed. He stated, "They have a 3-month-old baby boy and they are on their way to our home if we accept." We had always wondered how easy or difficult it would be to pull the trigger and accept our first placement. Without even thinking, I replied, "Of course! Yes, oh my gosh. This is happening, Tim!" All Tim could do was smile and relay our answer. 

We rushed home and Tim sprinted to the garage to gather all the items we had stocked up for a baby. (Funny fact: He was running so fast that he ended up needing a puff of his inhaler!) While he was doing that, I sorted all the items and called my sister to ask, “What do 3 month old babies do? Do they eat food? Do they play with toys?” She chuckled and said, “Nope, they basically still do everything a newborn does. Sleep, eat, and poop.” 

Our home was a mess with all the chaos of trying to organize our items and then trying to figure out what we still needed. We decided to wait until the baby arrived before one of us would go shopping for the other things we knew he’d need. We sat at our dining room table and stared out the window. I can take myself back so easily to the feelings of anticipation and excitement while sitting there waiting for the car to come. Tim and I didn’t do much talking, but when we did it was: 

“Can you believe this is happening?”

“I wonder what he looks like.”

Then suddenly the car pulled in our driveway. Tim went out and helped carry J in. He was sound asleep in the car seat so Tim placed the car seat on the couch. Tim took off the blanket that was over top and there he was—a beautiful baby boy with more hair than Tim could ever dream of! It was love at first sight. The paperwork was filled out and we were given the court date, then the caseworker left.

Tim took J over to the Christmas tree and his eyes lit up! Tim started crying and in front of the Christmas tree we fell to our knees, embraced with J in the middle of us, and wept tears of joy and sorrow. Joy because it now made sense why we felt called into foster care. It was for him. All of the classes, applications, paperwork, interviews, phone calls, tough conversations, and prayers were for J. I remember in that moment saying, “He is the reason. He is it.” In the midst of the joy, though, there was sorrow. Sorrow for what he so obviously endured. 

Soon after, J was clearly getting hungry. I remember feeding him that first bottle. As he guzzled it down, he stared directly in my eyes and I stared directly back at him—this was the moment that I became a mother.

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

When She Made an Adoption Plan

It's been 7 years since she first made an adoption plan. That day in court was heart wrenching, especially for her. What I want J (and E) to know is that...

This wasn’t easy for her.

It took her years to get to this decision. It was not made in haste. When we got inside the court room and the judge began asking the clarifying questions, we could hear her voice crack with every “yes”. I got enough courage to look up from my feet to look at her face and it was obvious – this was shattering her heart. The tears began to fall and the “yes” responses still came but they continued to get tougher.

She made a plan out of selfless love.

She didn’t sign what they call a “general surrender”; instead, she signed a “specific surrender”. This meant that she was only signing with the plan that we would proceed to adopt J. She wasn’t willing to just let anyone adopt him, and we are honored that she trusts us enough to raise her son. This plan was made out of selfless love, because what we all learn when we have children is that raising a child involves more than simply love. It’s complicated, unfortunately. She recognized that and chose J's well-being over her own.

She wanted you to have an involved father.

Mama E explained that what solidified in her mind of making an adoption plan was when she saw the way J and Tim interacted. She saw how much Tim loved J and how much J loved him. She didn’t want to take J away from a loving, involved father. This is just another example of her selfless love. She was willing to set herself aside in order to provide J something that she couldn’t give him at the time.

She loves you.

I’ve seen this since the first day in court back in December of 2012. I still see it in the questions she asks about J. When he was a baby, she'd ask about music classes, his favorite foods, how he interacts with other kids, and how he was developing. Even to this day, she wants to know what he into and how well he is doing in school. Every time J video calls her, she answers with a huge smile and ends the conversation with a "love you". It is such a gift to him and E that they'll grow up knowing the love of their birth mother!

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

*Photos shared with permission of their brave birth mother*