Being a Boymom & My Daughter

I thought that I was destined to be a boymom.

I used to have bike races and dig in the dirt with the neighborhood boys and all through school most of my closest friends were boys. They were easy to get along with and didn't have all the complexities of what many female friendships often brought. They accepted me for me, cause let's be honest - I can be quirky.

I've also always been a daddy's girl. We'd shoot hoops, work on landscape sites together, pretend we were in the WWE (I claimed Sting, while he claimed Hulk Hogan), and watch OSU beat Michigan year after year. I guess, I was what some would call a tomboy. 

Females were intimidating to me and many times I felt unaccepted by them. So, being a boymom felt comfortable. It's what I knew and what came easy to me. 

But then, she entered my world in late June. 

A girl means periods and prom dresses and boobs and body image and wedding dresses and hormones...all things that I stumbled through, at best. Can you tell that I was nervous!? Overjoyed, yes. But, nervous too.

However, this adorable and squishy girl has decided that I'm her favorite person. Me? She's only three months old, but nonetheless I am her favorite. I never would have imagined that I'd have a mama's girl on my hands. It is such a welcomed and sweet surprise! 

She gives me these whole body smiles and I continually feel lucky that I have a daughter. God knew I would have her as my daughter and when she looks at me for what a woman is, I hope she finds a woman who is confident in being imperfect and at ease in Jesus. I pray that she finds her value in Him and that she sees her beauty in being kind. 

And I realize she'll most likely turn into a daddy's girl. For now, though, I'm soaking her up! 

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

Waiting & Learning to be Still

When I'm particularly anxious, it drives me to keep busy. I want to avoid the situation causing the stress with movement and busyness. The last couple of weeks have been filled with anxiousness as we await the newest addition to our family. When the kids are awake, I'm hustling them to parks, play dates, and running errands. When they are down for a nap, I'm busy with everything and anything in the house - folding laundry (and actually putting it away because it's time consuming), doing dishes, vacuuming, and picking up toys.

When all of the chores are done and I actually sit still, I find myself wanting an escape from my thoughts. Sleep has become difficult. I'm distracting myself with mindless phone games, television, and pinning decor ideas on Pinterest until my thoughts are numb enough to fall asleep. I go to yoga once a week to "relax" but last week I literally had to walk out in the middle of it because my stomach was in knots.

It's hard for me to admit, because I've personally experienced God's faithfulness countless times especially with the adoption of Jacob. Yet, here I am struggling to trust Him. Today the chores waited while the boys napped, because the busyness has left me empty. What I was trying to distract myself from isn't getting any easier. I'm now desperate to be still with the God who has it all in His hands. I opened my devotional and this prayer really challenged me:

"Help me to trust you, because you are worthy to be trusted. You alone give good gifts. In faith I will rest in you for my future and the future of my family." - Adopted for Daily Life

I want to rest in Him. I want to rest in knowing that He knows the details and in His perfect timing. But geesh! Right now it's a daily hourly battle. Today I got vulnerable with Him and through tears begged God to anoint us with peace as we walk in this vastly unknown situation.

Will you join us in praying? We've been blessed to have so many of you walk alongside us and ask how things are going or if there are updates. To be honest, we are simply waiting and there is little known to us. We'd love your prayers for health of the baby and mama, peace for us, and wisdom for the doctors and nurses who will be involved.

Why Mommy Cried & Your Potential

J,

The doctor explained, "He's a good boy. He has a good heart. He just has an impairment with impulse control and regulating emotions." I felt the tears well up in my eyes and allowed them to flow freely. He was saying exactly everything I knew to be true in my heart, yet felt weary of at the same time. You quickly came to my side after playing intently with the toys and asked, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I didn't have much of an answer in the moment but I want you to know it's because...

I hate to think of you struggling. I want life to be easy for you. I don't want cycles to continue in you. I can't control that as much as I wish I could, however I can tell you what I see when I look at you.

I see a boy with incredible potential. I see a boy who is smart, sensitive, happy, energetic, a leader, and passionate about EVERYTHING. My constant prayer is that you see that in yourself. That these diagnoses don't hinder you and that you believe you can be batman, a police officer, a firefighter, a daddy, and/or whatever you dream of next. Because, buddy, you truly can.

Today, though, Mommy has to sit in the grief of knowing I can't take it away for you. This won't be the last time that doctor appointments feel heavy and clinical terms seem overwhelming, but I promise you will never be alone in the struggle. Your father and I will walk alongside you as best we can, all while leaning on God to be our ultimate guide. Our goal is to give you treatment options, but also not let it define you. We want you to know that having a diagnosis doesn't make you less than, but only adds to your strength as a person when you overcome or learn to live with them in a positive way. We're in this together, babe.

Love you always,

Mom

Our Two Coins & God's Faithfulness

The widow's offering from Mark 12:41-44 is a powerful image:

Sitting across from the offering box, he was observing how the crowd tossed money in for the collection. Many of the rich were making large contributions. One poor widow came up and put in two small coins--a measly two cents. Jesus called his disciples over and said, "The truth is that this poor widow gave more to the collection than all the others put together. All the other gave what they'll never miss; she gave extravagantly what she couldn't afford--she gave her all.

I've often wondered what the widow was thinking as she made her decision to bring the two coins. Before she brought her two coins, did she have a moment of doubt? A moment of second-guessing her decision? She may have, but she still came through because she knew in her heart that God would meet her needs. It's truly inspiring.

It's an image that has stuck with me, especially with this adoption. Here we are giving our {what seems like} measly "two coins" and I'd be lying if I said there wasn't any doubt associated with it in the beginning. When we looked at the numbers, it seemed daunting! I doubted that God would provide in a way that seemed so massive to me. I doubted that hearts would be drawn to our story and that they would be moved to give. I doubted that God would move this mountain.

Despite my doubt, God has pulled through over and over and over again. We went from a simple blog post to a professional video shoot to countless people coming out of the woodwork offering to donate items, donate their talents, donate monetarily, plan fundraisers, and offer encouragement. Out of the woodwork meaning friends of friends, our church, distant relatives, friends of family members, strangers, old friends, new friends, and of course our family.

We brought what we had and God turned that into enough through the over 75 people who have donated. It is not lost on us that many of you gave up a night out, didn't do Starbucks for a week, or drew from your savings to give toward our adoption. We've all brought our "two coins" together and God has shown Himself faithful through your generous giving. 

Our faith has been deepened and our spirits have been inspired through you. We're overwhelmed and feel like the words {thank you} just don't cut it. But for all it's worth, thank you. 

Our Village & Joining Our Story

We've all heard the phrase, "It takes a village" and I've found that to be true time and time again in our parenting journey. I'm reminded of those who brought meals when Jacob was first placed in our home, those who prayed over us when we were struggling with the unknowns of the foster care system, those who helped us celebrate in the courthouse when his adoption was finalized, those who offered reassurance when I doubted my ability to actually birth a baby, and again those who came around us in countless ways when Griffin was born. You are our village. 

Jacob and Griffin have both stretched our faith. With Jacob, we learned to trust God with the unknowns and the timing. With Griffin, we learned to trust God with forming a baby in my womb and to protect us during complications. With this precious baby who we have the privilege of adopting, we are learning to trust that God will provide. He's shown Himself to be faithful already as we've been blown away by the generosity of those who have offered to donate items, time, resources, and talents to help us meet our fundraising goal. You, our village, have been Jesus to us.  

If you would like to join our story, here are some practical ways you can help us in the coming days.

First, we covet your prayers. Will you join us in praying for the continued health of the baby, peace for the expectant parents, and for a safe delivery?

We also have some fun fundraising events coming up: 

February 4-10: Facebook Auction (Click the link to join!)

February 19-25: Jamberry Online Party (Click the link to join!)

For those local, be on the lookout for these events coming up:

March 31, 5-9 P.M.: Bountiful Blessings Event (Adults Only. Tickets will be available February 1st for $20 which includes food, drinks, and one raffle ticket. There are only 40 tickets available.)

May 7, 10-11:30 A.M.: Mother's Day Photo Session by Dana Clover Photography (A suggested donation of $40 includes a 10 minute mini-session and 2 digital images. There will also be a gallery available of 5-10 images for those interested in purchasing more. Space limited.)

We have an exciting opportunity coming up to share our story and for people to give tax-deductible donations. You'll see more of that in the coming days!

Memory Lane & Adopting Again

We're thrilled to share some huge news for our family, but let's walk down memory lane first. Our story began just ten days after becoming licensed foster parents in 2012, we received the call that made us parents. There was a baby boy headed our way if we said yes. We said yes without hesitation and two hours later, Jacob was in our arms (read more about that day here). Jacob instantly had our hearts and we allowed ourselves to fully attach. I mean, how could we not? He was so freaking cute!

Two years later, we were given the opportunity through his birth mama's selfless love to adopt him. That day was hard. I'll never forget standing in the court room and hearing her say "yes" to allowing us to parent Jacob. My heart broke for her as she cried her way through answering questions no mother imagines herself answering. We went home that bittersweet day and started the process of adoption. A few months later and almost two years exactly from when we first met him, Jacob officially became a Weston on December 18, 2014 (view a video of that special day here). Upon the banging of the gavel, Tim and I both breathed a sigh of deep relief that we hadn't known for 733 days.

Little did our family know, we found out just a few weeks before that we were also expecting. The day after Jacob's adoption, we announced to the family that we were pregnant by having Jacob wear a customized t-shirt stating that he was going to be a big brother. Talk about an emotional couple of days! Fast forward 9 months later and 18 hours of labor, I pushed we welcomed Griffin into our family. This boy is such a ham and has turned into Jacob's little shadow. We love watching them becoming not only brothers, but friends.

Around Griffin's first birthday, we started discussing the way we would like to grow our family. We both agreed that we would like to adopt again but weren't sure how that would look. We simply knew we were open to it and felt led to build our family through adoption again. I had done some research as far as waiting children and private adoptions but never got that this is "right" feeling. I attributed it to timing. I remember getting this overwhelming sense when we were starting the foster care journey that it was the right time. We weren't getting that sense this time and so we decided to wait until we sensed God telling us move forward.

That sense of God wanting us to move forward has come.

We've cherished the relationship with Jacob's biological family over the years. We had our first family dinner together in the winter of 2013 and our relationship has only grown since. We have welcomed them into our home, they come to birthday parties, we meet up often (pumpkin patches, children's museums, arcades...to name a few), and we stay in contact through Facebook and texting regularly. It's a relationship that started with our common bond of Jacob but has grown into a true family. They aren't just Jacob's family, they are our family. So when they told us that Jacob's birth mama was due in June with another precious baby, we congratulated her as we would with any other family member. Soon after, we were told that she has {selflessly} decided to make an adoption plan and wants that to be in our home with Jacob. Without hesitation, we have said yes!

We can't tell you how excited we are about the possibility of adopting Jacob's biological sibling.  We will be sharing more of our journey here (along with a gender reveal soon!) and ways you can be a part of our story.  Thanks for sharing our joy as we prepare to open our home again to adoption!