Adoption at the Hospital

When an expectant mother goes into labor and is admitted into the hospital the hopeful adoptive parent(s) are, most often, notified to make their way to the hospital. Emotions are running high for everyone involved. The expectant mother is giving birth to a baby she's made an adoption plan for and the hopeful adoptive parent(s) are eagerly awaiting the birth of a baby they have prepared to bring home.

At each step of an adoption plan, it is so important for the hopeful adoptive parent(s) to honor the expectant mother. But what does that look like in the hospital setting? To be honest, it means you as the adoptive family will be on the side lines unless asked to be otherwise.

Can we be in the delivery room?

It's the expectant mother's choice if she wants an adoptive family in the delivery room at any point. She may be okay with you in the room while she is in the beginning stages of labor, but then may ask you to leave when it's time to push. It's important to remember that giving birth is an incredibly vulnerable and sacred experience. If she allows you to experience any step of this with her, cherish it as a gift and not as an expectation.

Will we get a room at the hospital? 

This depends on the hospital where the baby is being delivered because each hospital handles adoption differently. Some hospitals do have designated rooms for adoptive families while other hospitals do not. If they do not, then you'll be expected to wait in the waiting room unless the expectant mother invites you into her room.

If you are from out-of-state, then you will need to secure a hotel or home of family/friends to stay at overnight.

Will we be able to hold the baby soon after birth?

It's possible! However, it's up to the expectant mother at what point the hopeful adoptive parent(s) will be able to. She may invite you into her room so you all can experience this sweet baby together or she may choose to have you hold the baby in the nursery/your room (depending on hospital accommodations).

What happens if we don't want the baby to get vaccinated?

In a typical match, the hopeful adoptive parent(s) and expectant mother have had some contact either through the phone or face-to-face over the last months of pregnancy which is when you can discuss your opinion with her. However, the expectant mother makes all of the decisions with her baby until she signs the paperwork. This means that if she sees it best to have the baby vaccinated after birth then that is her choice.

Can we name the baby?

This is another conversation that should happen beforehand, if possible. If you have a name that you've always loved or is a family name, then you can absolutely let her know that in a respectful way. However, as with vaccinations after birth, naming the baby is ultimately her decision.

When will we be able to bring the baby home?

You will be able to bring the baby home (or to the hotel to wait out ICPC if doing an out-of-state adoption) IF paperwork is signed by the mother and the baby is well enough to be discharged.

Our Middle (Part 2 of 3)

Tim and I were in the stage of "not not trying" because we'd been trying and nothing happened. I hadn't been on birth control for quite some time. A couple weeks before Thanksgiving, my menstrual cycle was late and I had been feeling so tired. I was still working outside of the home at the time so on my lunch break I went to get a pregnancy test. To be honest, I had full anticipation that it would be negative. But to my surprise, there were two pink lines. I immediately cried and called my best friend. I exclaimed, "I'm so scared!" She reassured me that I could do this - grow a baby and push it out. After that phone call and taking some deep breaths, excitement settled into my soul. 

Pregnancy came easy to me. I didn't struggle with much morning sickness and enjoyed eating for two. Those first moments of feeling him move felt like a little butterfly fluttering around and then that sensation grew stronger until I could literally see the outline of a foot or hand. It was an incredible experience that I'm so grateful for! 

His due date came and went. I had a date on the calendar to be induced. The morning of, Tim picked up IHOP for breakfast and I ate my ever-loving heart out. We checked into L&D and after a low dose of Pitocin, my body started going into labor on its own. The contractions started getting stronger to the point that I felt it was time for an epidural. Unfortunately, my body did not respond well to the epidural and I was given a shot in the thigh (ouch!) to increase my heart rate. From that point, my labor slowed and my body would not stop shaking. After 18 hours of labor, it was finally time to push. Tim was right there in the action and cheering me on while also simultaneously giving me ice chips in between pushes. The stars finally aligned and G was put on my chest.

I was given a small meal and told after the meal I would need to try getting up to use the restroom. It felt rushed, but I was trusting the process. Upon standing up, my ears started ringing and my face turned flush. The nurse got a wheelchair and wheeled me in to use the restroom. It was scary, but the nurse reassured me that I would gain my strength after some rest and more food. I was transferred to the postpartum unit and soon after I started passing large blood clots. The nurse taking care of me on this unit was new and overloaded with other recovering mothers. She took note of the clots but didn't seem too concerned. G was having some issues latching so the lactation consultant was in my room every two hours to help with feedings. Later in the afternoon, she walked in and said, "Oh my! You look really pale. Are you feeling okay?" I mustered up a reply, "No, I'm still passing blood clots." She immediately called the nurses desk and told them to get a doctor. I was pretty out of it at this point but I do remember when the doctor came in. She looked concerned and said something like, "We have to do this now. There isn't time to go to the O.R." I ended up with an emergency D&C right there in my postpartum room and it saved my life. 

I hate that G's story is clouded by my own trauma, but his story is also full of God's faithfulness:

• G was born healthy and happy.
• The lactation consultant who used to work as a L&D nurse knew signs to look for.
• The doctor had the wisdom to skip the O.R.
• G was a laid back baby which allowed for rest and healing. 
• Tim stepped up in countless ways as my recovery was slow. 
• Our family helped for over a month after we returned home. 
• My sister was home for the summer since she's a teacher and was only a phone call away.
• And I could go on and on...

Was delivering a baby everything I had hoped for? Heck no! It was everything I was scared of way back in the beginning. But I'm a stronger, more emphatic woman and mother because of it.

+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +

Bouncing Back & Expectations

I can still remember sitting on our guest room bed as my husband took our jaundice newborn son to a doctor appointment a few days after returning home from the hospital. I wept. My mother came in and gently sat beside me. She asked me what was going on and I replied, "Why don't I feel better yet? Why is this taking ME so long? I can't even go to a simple doctor appointment. I see some women who are out and about days after giving birth!" Words of wisdom poured from her mouth as a woman who had been through this. She said, "Every woman is different with a different birth experience. There are some women who bounce back so easily. I sure wasn't one of them either! It's okay. I mean, really, it hasn't even been a week yet. Be patient with yourself and stop comparing."

But here I am on the other side of a complicated recovery that led to PTSD and PPD/PPA. This week I'm weaning off the anti-anxiety medication and that newborn son will be 11 months in a couple weeks.

To the woman who isn't bouncing back like she expected, know that I've been there. Please know that it's okay and you're still a superb mother. And as a wise woman told me, be patient with yourself and stop comparing. It has taken me 11 months to fully bounce back and it might take you longer or shorter. It's your postpartum journey. Just like everyone has a different birthing experience, we all have a different postpartum experience. Accept yours. Appreciate that your body did a miraculous thing that takes time to recover from, some more than others.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8