Tim and I were in the stage of "not not trying" because we'd been trying and nothing happened. I hadn't been on birth control for quite some time. A couple weeks before Thanksgiving, my menstrual cycle was late and I had been feeling so tired. I was still working outside of the home at the time so on my lunch break I went to get a pregnancy test. To be honest, I had full anticipation that it would be negative. But to my surprise, there were two pink lines. I immediately cried and called my best friend. I exclaimed, "I'm so scared!" She reassured me that I could do this - grow a baby and push it out. After that phone call and taking some deep breaths, excitement settled into my soul.
Pregnancy came easy to me. I didn't struggle with much morning sickness and enjoyed eating for two. Those first moments of feeling him move felt like a little butterfly fluttering around and then that sensation grew stronger until I could literally see the outline of a foot or hand. It was an incredible experience that I'm so grateful for!
His due date came and went. I had a date on the calendar to be induced. The morning of, Tim picked up IHOP for breakfast and I ate my ever-loving heart out. We checked into L&D and after a low dose of Pitocin, my body started going into labor on its own. The contractions started getting stronger to the point that I felt it was time for an epidural. Unfortunately, my body did not respond well to the epidural and I was given a shot in the thigh (ouch!) to increase my heart rate. From that point, my labor slowed and my body would not stop shaking. After 18 hours of labor, it was finally time to push. Tim was right there in the action and cheering me on while also simultaneously giving me ice chips in between pushes. The stars finally aligned and G was put on my chest.
I was given a small meal and told after the meal I would need to try getting up to use the restroom. It felt rushed, but I was trusting the process. Upon standing up, my ears started ringing and my face turned flush. The nurse got a wheelchair and wheeled me in to use the restroom. It was scary, but the nurse reassured me that I would gain my strength after some rest and more food. I was transferred to the postpartum unit and soon after I started passing large blood clots. The nurse taking care of me on this unit was new and overloaded with other recovering mothers. She took note of the clots but didn't seem too concerned. G was having some issues latching so the lactation consultant was in my room every two hours to help with feedings. Later in the afternoon, she walked in and said, "Oh my! You look really pale. Are you feeling okay?" I mustered up a reply, "No, I'm still passing blood clots." She immediately called the nurses desk and told them to get a doctor. I was pretty out of it at this point but I do remember when the doctor came in. She looked concerned and said something like, "We have to do this now. There isn't time to go to the O.R." I ended up with an emergency D&C right there in my postpartum room and it saved my life.
I hate that G's story is clouded by my own trauma, but his story is also full of God's faithfulness:
- G was born healthy and happy.
- The lactation consultant who used to work as a L&D nurse knew signs to look for.
- The doctor had the wisdom to skip the O.R.
- G was a laid back baby which allowed for rest and healing.
- Tim stepped up in countless ways as my recovery was slow.
- Our family helped for over a month after we returned home.
- My sister was home for the summer since she's a teacher and was only a phone call away.
- And I could go on and on...
Was delivering a baby everything I had hoped for? Heck no! It was everything I was scared of way back in the beginning. But I'm a stronger, more emphatic woman and mother because of it.
+ If you are interested in learning more about adoption and the services we provide at Christian Adoption Consultants, I would love to chat! Feel free to email me at meg@christianadoptionconsultant.com. +
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