It was the night before my 6-week postpartum follow-up and I was a wreck. I was shaking uncontrollably, heart was pounding, fists clenched, felt like I couldn't catch my breath, and couldn't sit still. It was midnight so I texted my brother and sister to see if either would be awake. Luckily, my sister called right away. Thank God for her! My first panic attack lasted more than an hour and it left me feeling incredibly weak. Who knew the mind had so much power over the body? It's seriously incredible.
But it couldn't be Postpartum Depression, I thought. I mean, I'm not crying all day and I don't want to harm my baby. Those are the signs they say to look out for and that just wasn't me. I figured it was a one time thing and that it was all due to the anxiety over my first appointment since giving birth. There is some truth to that, however I continued to struggle with anxiety and complete exhaustion over everyday tasks. I also continued to experience panic attacks that would bring my husband home from work, keep me from being able to grocery shop, making me change travel plans, and ultimately landed me in the E.R.
This thick headed girl finally realized that professional help is what was needed. This wasn't blowing over. The office that I was referred to was so busy that I couldn't get an appointment until February, but I figured being on a waiting list was better than nothing. I was encouraged, however, by some wonderful MOPS mamas to call my OB to see if she could either help me until my appointment or get me into my appointment sooner. It worked! I got a call on a Tuesday from the office and they had an appointment for me the very next day. That's what I call a God-thing, folks!
So here I am a week after receiving treatment and I feel like that heavy, dark cloud has been lifted. I have my energy back and I want to play with my kiddos again. I share all of this to encourage anyone who is struggling but is questioning whether it's PPD. Get help! It's not only going to benefit you, but will benefit your kiddos and your spouse. Don't be embarrassed or stubborn like I was. Honestly, the psychiatrist told me if I would have got help right at the 6 week mark I'd probably be off the medication by now. I struggled for months for what reason? My own pride. Such silliness!
And if you're struggling or know someone who is, please also read this: Be Still My Soul.