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Friday, December 18, 2015

Celebration & Adoption



It's been one year. One year since nothing and everything changed at the pound of the gavel.

For two years I held my breath. On this day, however, relief filled my lungs and we proudly got to call him by our last name. It meant so much more than just us though, it was the gospel right there in the local court house...

He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.
 Ephesians 1:5

The moment of J officially joining our family is still hard to put words to, so here's the full story.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Bitter & Sweet

Three years ago today J's life collided with ours. If I'm honest, it's a day that I sort of dread and look forward to when it gets close on the calendar.

On this day three years ago, brokenness was overwhelming. He came to us in a condition no baby should be in and the memory of that still haunts me.

But then I am also flooded with joy. J was our Christmas present that can never be topped. He made me a mama; an incredibly blessed mama.


J is still little enough now that he doesn't really know what is going on and what the meaning of this day is. We have told him it's the day that he came to live with us and his response is usually, "Yea, this my house!" I realize that each year he grows he will have more questions and be able to grasp what it actually means. How will we process that? I'm not sure.

I do know, though, that we will tell him how nervous we were. How Daddy needed his inhaler from running around gathering supplies. How I called Aunt Mimi to ask what a 3 month old even does. How we stayed up most of the night just watching him breath. How Daddy cried when he showed J the Christmas tree. How I cried when I first fed J and he looked directly in my eyes the whole time. How happy he made us the moment we got the call that a 3 month old baby boy was headed our way. Most importantly, how God's hand was in every moment...even the bitter moments.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
Psalm 46:1

So there will be lots of tears today. Tears of sadness and thankfulness all at the same time...

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!
2 Corinthians 9:15

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Exclusively Pumping & How I Maintained My Sanity

I went into breastfeeding with the best of intentions, but also knowing that it often doesn't go smoothly. "Doesn't go smoothly" is such an understatement.

I ended up with some complications during recovery that left me severely anemic which also left me severely tired. I tried, though. In fact, right when he came out I tried to feed him. It wasn't too successful so they let the lactation consultant know that I wanted guidance. The lactation consultant was in my room about every three hours to help us (side note: thank God for her because she actually was the one who sounded the alarm on my complications). G didn't know how to suckle and so she did some techniques to help him get the hang of it. She did a wonderful job and I felt somewhat confident leaving the hospital that we could work through this.

We got home and we continued to try. To be honest, I was hurting a lot. He was screaming at my breast a lot. I cried a lot while trying. There are so many women who work through this and I commend them! You ladies are warriors! I, however, quit. I quit and that's okay.

This is where the glorious pump comes in! I started pumping every two hours religiously. This was time consuming, but it beat fighting my newborn for hours on end to breastfeed. At first I would get a total of about 3 ounces per pump, but as I continued the volume continued to increase. I pumped every two hours for 10 weeks and it was brutal at times. I felt like a diary cow. No, I was a diary cow. It paid off though because I began getting about 9-12 ounces per pump, which allowed me to begin a stockpile. A stockpile that would not only feed my baby, but has also fed five other babies (check out human milk for human babies). Once I had a good stockpile, I started pumping every 3 hours for weeks 10-16, then every 4 hours for weeks 16-18, and now I'm doing every 5 hours.

I want to encourage those who are just starting to exclusively pump that you can do this. It's hard but you can do it. It's one of those things that really does get better over time.

Equipment you need to get started:

1. Pump with vehicle adapter (Insurance will cover a pump but you'll still have to buy the adapter.)
    Yep, you'll be pumping in the vehicle. I've pumped going down the highway and in parking lots. Considering this, you might want to consider a cover if it makes you uncomfortable to have truck drivers see you pumping.

2. Extra storage bottles

3. Storage bottles with nipples
    There are slow flow nipples available for younger babies.

4. Freezer bags
    Another option is to use zipper lock bags and freeze the breast milk in trays. Once the milk is frozen you can pop it out and store in the zipper lock bags. It's more cost effective!

5. And let's be honest, you'll need a deep freeze. Or at least some one who will let you store your stock pile in their deep freeze.

Now, let's talk suction cup fit. It's incredibly important! I was using the wrong size for the first, ehhhh, 10 weeks? There were blisters. I finally reached out to my sister-in-law, who also happens to be an amazing lactation consultant, and she suggested that I look into a different size. That made a world of difference and so did lanolin.

To conclude, I'm a fan of fed babies. Breastfed, breastfed through a bottle, tube fed, and formula fed because fed babies are happy babies.



Friday, November 20, 2015

3 1/2 Months & Grief

Someone asked me how old G was and I said quickly, "Three and a half months." It hit me. He's the exact age J was. However, circumstances were very different.

Since then, I keep having moments where I'm holding G and begin to cry. He's so innocent. He's so defenseless. He's so fragile. He knows me.

J was the same. Except, he didn't know me. He was innocent, defenseless, fragile, and given to strangers (aka us). My mind quickly remembers another time when I rocked him to sleep for the first time in a heartbreaking condition. My heart has been breaking all over again in a deeper way.


I thought I understood it when we were blessed with him. But I feel like now I realize WHY he was so chaotic in the beginning. G knows nothing but us. He recognizes us and we are his world. G calms almost the minute he hears my voice. J was the same. He knew her. She was his world. He calmed when he heard her. Without warning, he was traumatized, ripped away from her, surrounded by strangers, and then placed into another stranger's home. Where is she? Where is her voice? This took months for him to learn that we were trustworthy and could calm him. Understandably so, right? Why would I expect anything else?


J was "so young", I thought. "Attachment" doesn't start until three to six months, I thought. I was so wrong. I guess that's why I'm grieving in a new way. I realize that I failed to acknowledge his attachment to her and questioned why he was colicky. With the experience of G, I get it now on a new level.

So, tonight as J was falling asleep I told him I loved him. He replied, "I love you too, mama." It sunk in deep. He accepts me as his mama even though he had a true attachment to her, and what an honor it has been to be on this journey with him.


Monday, November 2, 2015

Babies & Equipment

Photo Credit: Dana Clover Photography
When we were blessed with J, we literally had two hours to prepare and first time parents. Needless to say, it was a scramble and most of our equipment was handed down or lent to us. With G, we had 9 months to prepare and he is our second so we {kind of} knew what we would need/want. There have been so many times after using the stuff we have for G that I'd wished we had it for J. Here are my top ten baby must-haves:

1. Mamaroo

  • It will cost you a pretty penny, but oh my is it worth it! G uses this everyday and it's the secret for him taking a long nap in the afternoon. I can get him to fall asleep in my arms then transfer him to this and with the constant movement, he doesn't even notice. With J, I would have to stand at his crib and rock it for hours. Once I stopped, he would wake up. The Mamaroo would have been gold with J, and is working out so well for G! 


2. 4Moms Bathtub

  • There were times with J that Tim would think the water was too hot and times that I thought the water was too cold. This takes all the guessing out of it! No need to worry if your baby is freezing or being scorched, which gives a peace of mind when your washing that precious little newborn. I also like that clean water is constantly flowing in and dirty water is flowing out. There are so many times that G pees during the bath and I don't have to wonder if I'm washing him with pee water (yuck!). 


3. Rock-N-Play

  • We were gifted this when we were blessed with J, and he slept in it until he was about 8 months. For G, this has replaced the traditional bassinet and he's slept in it since the day we brought him home. The main attribute I love about it is that it's inclined. There are lots of babies who struggle with acid reflux and your doctor will recommend keeping the baby at an incline. That can become tricky in a crib, and J often would just roll to the bottom on the crib before we had him sleeping in the Rock-N-Play. 


4. Snotsucker

  • This is a huge step up from the old bulb sucker! I would have {loved} this for J with all of his respiratory issues as a baby. We have used it for G and it's awesome! The bulb sucker is a guessing game and often isn't powerful enough to get all the stubborn snot out of a baby's nose. With the Snotsucker you can see the snot coming out since it's clear and you control how powerful the suction is.  


5. Bumbo

  • We used this with J and now with G. It serves multiple purposes! It allows your baby to sit independently when they aren't quite ready to sit up on their own. The tray is useful because then this can be used as a place to put cheerios, toys, or a feeding tray. We also used this so man times for when J was crawling but needed to sit still for breathing treatments. I love that it's easy to carry from room-to-room and I even bring it outside since it wipes clean. 


6. Tummy Time Mat

  • We got this for G as a gift and use it daily. The pillow is wonderful to prop him up and give him a little extra encouragement to raise his head. Not only that, but it seems to be more comfortable than laying on our wood floors. 


7. Soothie Pacifiers

  • J was never really got into pacifiers, but when he would take one it was the soothie. I have found that G likes these the best as well. Also, I like that the design is all-in-one so that you don't have to worry about the baby sucking off the nipple part. (I've read some crazy stories about this happening and baby gagging on the piece that falls in their mouth.)


8. Lillebaby 6-in-1 Carrier

  • No need to buy new carriers when baby gets bigger! This grows with your baby, which makes it so worth the investment. I enjoy the simple design because I would get confused by those wraps! There is also a ton of support and I have yet to feel sore any where when I've worn G in this for hours. 


9. Graco Click Connect Stroller

  • Oh my goodness! I {love} that I can grab the car seat out of the van and click it right into the stroller. This has made life easier when I pick up J from preschool, go on walks, or go for quick errands. When J was a baby, we were constantly lugging around that heavy, awkward car seat which is great for your forearms but terrible for your back. 


10. Baby Aquaphor

  • Rash? Get the Aquaphor! Chapped lips? Aquaphor! Dry skin? Aquaphor! Cradle cap? Aquaphor! Get the picture? We use it all. the. time. 


Disclaimer: You don't need any of this stuff to raise a happy, healthy baby. These are only items that I've found to make raising a baby easier. I'm all about easy!

Monday, October 26, 2015

Tradition & Applesauce

For a solid six years now, my family has been going apple picking back in our hometown every Fall. The beautiful thing is that our group keeps growing and with that new memories are made each year.
2009
2010


2011

2012

2013

2014

2015
















Since each of our families pick at least two large bags full, we have found that making applesauce makes the most sense. Plus, homemade applesauce is way better than the stuff you buy at the store! To make it really easy, you'll need this. Here's how I make mine:

12-14 whole apples (Jonathan and Macintosh recommended)
1 cup apple juice
Cook this in a large pot for 15-20 minutes, or until the apples have popped open and are tender.


In a separate {large and heat safe} bowl, add 1 cup of sugar and a dash of cinnamon.
I put the strainer over the bowl and then carefully pour the cooked apples and apple juice into the strainer. Begin mashing the apples until all that is left is the skins, seeds, and stems.

Allow to cool before placing in a container and store in the fridge or freezer.


Saturday, October 17, 2015

Tantrums & Housework

My oldest has always been a great napper. As in, he'd sleep at least 2 hours and if I let him he'd sleep 3 hours. It was awesome and a ton of housework got done in that time. My second was born and it magically worked out that they both napped at the same time. This was so important for the first few weeks to allow me to rest and recover. It was honestly such a God thing!

However, after a few weeks, J started waking up at 2:00am, 3:00am, or 4:00am. We would attempt to put him back in bed or have him sleep in a sleeping bag on our floor, but he was WIDE awake. He was wide awake and upset that we weren't getting him breakfast, playing with him, or allowing him to run around the house. This caused tantrums...hour long ones at the wee hours of the morning. Overly tired parents, a screaming toddler, and early morning hours are not a good mix. Not only this, but during the day it was a constant battle. Nap time was even becoming a battle with him and I started feeling like all I was doing was discipline. I hated it and was feeling overwhelmed...


We reached out to people that we trusted and got a lot of good advice and opinions. My {wise} sister suggested that he might be ready to give up his nap. I think I literally winced at that idea. How would my housework get done? 


After another week or so of tantrums and super early mornings, I decided to try it. To be honest, I thought it would turn into a complete mess by 3:00pm because he'd be so overly tired from not having a nap. I was SO wrong! What became clear is that did he not need his nap, but he needed me. Once G was born, J went from having my full attention most of the day to having my full attention maybe 15% of the day and he was trying to express that through his tantrums. How oblivious am I? 


Since G is sleeping during the early afternoon and J isn't napping anymore, we are able to have one-on-one time for at least two hours. This has been beneficial for him AND me. I truly enjoy this time, even more than I did before when I was resting or doing housework. I'm able to laugh and play with my sunshine without any distractions or other responsibilities. I was seriously missing him as much as he was missing me, but I was too invested in my housework/rest time to notice it. I screwed up, and am so glad it didn't go on longer. Yes, our house is a little messier than I would like. But we have a happy kid again and that's worth it!