The doctor explained, "He's a good boy. He has a good heart. He just has an impairment with impulse control and regulating emotions." I felt the tears well up in my eyes and allowed them to flow freely. He was saying exactly everything I knew to be true in my heart, yet felt weary of at the same time. You quickly came to my side after playing intently with the toys and asked, "Mommy, why are you crying?" I didn't have much of an answer in the moment but I want you to know it's because...
I hate to think of you struggling. I want life to be easy for you. I don't want cycles to continue in you. I can't control that as much as I wish I could, however I can tell you what I see when I look at you.
I see a boy with incredible potential. I see a boy who is smart, sensitive, happy, energetic, a leader, and passionate about EVERYTHING. My constant prayer is that you see that in yourself. That these diagnoses don't hinder you and that you believe you can be batman, a police officer, a firefighter, a daddy, and/or whatever you dream of next. Because, buddy, you truly can.
Today, though, Mommy has to sit in the grief of knowing I can't take it away for you. This won't be the last time that doctor appointments feel heavy and clinical terms seem overwhelming, but I promise you will never be alone in the struggle. Your father and I will walk alongside you as best we can, all while leaning on God to be our ultimate guide. Our goal is to give you treatment options, but also not let it define you. We want you to know that having a diagnosis doesn't make you less than, but only adds to your strength as a person when you overcome or learn to live with them in a positive way. We're in this together, babe.
Love you always,
Mom
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