Bitter & Sweet

Three years ago today J's life collided with ours. If I'm honest, it's a day that I sort of dread and look forward to when it gets close on the calendar.

On this day three years ago, brokenness was overwhelming. He came to us in a condition no baby should be in and the memory of that still haunts me.

But then I am also flooded with joy. J was our Christmas present that can never be topped. He made me a mama; an incredibly blessed mama.

J is still little enough now that he doesn't really know what is going on and what the meaning of this day is. We have told him it's the day that he came to live with us and his response is usually, "Yea, this my house!" I realize that each year he grows he will have more questions and be able to grasp what it actually means. How will we process that? I'm not sure.

I do know, though, that we will tell him how nervous we were. How Daddy needed his inhaler from running around gathering supplies. How I called Aunt Mimi to ask what a 3 month old even does. How we stayed up most of the night just watching him breath. How Daddy cried when he showed J the Christmas tree. How I cried when I first fed J and he looked directly in my eyes the whole time. How happy he made us the moment we got the call that a 3 month old baby boy was headed our way. Most importantly, how God's hand was in every moment...even the bitter moments.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
Psalm 46:1

So there will be lots of tears today. Tears of sadness and thankfulness all at the same time...

Thanks be to God for his inexpressible gift!
2 Corinthians 9:15