3 1/2 Months & Grief

Someone asked me how old G was and I said quickly, "Three and a half months." It hit me. He's the exact age J was. However, circumstances were very different.

Since then, I keep having moments where I'm holding G and begin to cry. He's so innocent. He's so defenseless. He's so fragile. He knows me.

J was the same. Except, he didn't know me. He was innocent, defenseless, fragile, and given to strangers (aka us). My mind quickly remembers another time when I rocked him to sleep for the first time in a heartbreaking condition. My heart has been breaking all over again in a deeper way.

I thought I understood it when we were blessed with him. But I feel like now I realize WHY he was so chaotic in the beginning. G knows nothing but us. He recognizes us and we are his world. G calms almost the minute he hears my voice. J was the same. He knew her. She was his world. He calmed when he heard her. Without warning, he was traumatized, ripped away from her, surrounded by strangers, and then placed into another stranger's home. Where is she? Where is her voice? This took months for him to learn that we were trustworthy and could calm him. Understandably so, right? Why would I expect anything else?

J was "so young", I thought. "Attachment" doesn't start until three to six months, I thought. I was so wrong. I guess that's why I'm grieving in a new way. I realize that I failed to acknowledge his attachment to her and questioned why he was colicky. With the experience of G, I get it now on a new level.

So, tonight as J was falling asleep I told him I loved him. He replied, "I love you too, mama." It sunk in deep. He accepts me as his mama even though he had a true attachment to her, and what an honor it has been to be on this journey with him.

Babies & Equipment

Photo Credit: Dana Clover Photography

When we were blessed with J, we literally had two hours to prepare and first time parents. Needless to say, it was a scramble and most of our equipment was handed down or lent to us. With G, we had 9 months to prepare and he is our second so we {kind of} knew what we would need/want. There have been so many times after using the stuff we have for G that I'd wished we had it for J. Here are my top ten baby must-haves:

1. Mamaroo

• It will cost you a pretty penny, but oh my is it worth it! G uses this everyday and it's the secret for him taking a long nap in the afternoon. I can get him to fall asleep in my arms then transfer him to this and with the constant movement, he doesn't even notice. With J, I would have to stand at his crib and rock it for hours. Once I stopped, he would wake up. The Mamaroo would have been gold with J, and is working out so well for G! 

2. 4Moms Bathtub

• There were times with J that Tim would think the water was too hot and times that I thought the water was too cold. This takes all the guessing out of it! No need to worry if your baby is freezing or being scorched, which gives a peace of mind when your washing that precious little newborn. I also like that clean water is constantly flowing in and dirty water is flowing out. There are so many times that G pees during the bath and I don't have to wonder if I'm washing him with pee water (yuck!). 

3. Rock-N-Play

• We were gifted this when we were blessed with J, and he slept in it until he was about 8 months. For G, this has replaced the traditional bassinet and he's slept in it since the day we brought him home. The main attribute I love about it is that it's inclined. There are lots of babies who struggle with acid reflux and your doctor will recommend keeping the baby at an incline. That can become tricky in a crib, and J often would just roll to the bottom on the crib before we had him sleeping in the Rock-N-Play. 

4. Snotsucker

• This is a huge step up from the old bulb sucker! I would have {loved} this for J with all of his respiratory issues as a baby. We have used it for G and it's awesome! The bulb sucker is a guessing game and often isn't powerful enough to get all the stubborn snot out of a baby's nose. With the Snotsucker you can see the snot coming out since it's clear and you control how powerful the suction is.  

5. Bumbo

• We used this with J and now with G. It serves multiple purposes! It allows your baby to sit independently when they aren't quite ready to sit up on their own. The tray is useful because then this can be used as a place to put cheerios, toys, or a feeding tray. We also used this so man times for when J was crawling but needed to sit still for breathing treatments. I love that it's easy to carry from room-to-room and I even bring it outside since it wipes clean. 

6. Tummy Time Mat

• We got this for G as a gift and use it daily. The pillow is wonderful to prop him up and give him a little extra encouragement to raise his head. Not only that, but it seems to be more comfortable than laying on our wood floors. 

7. Soothie Pacifiers

• J was never really got into pacifiers, but when he would take one it was the soothie. I have found that G likes these the best as well. Also, I like that the design is all-in-one so that you don't have to worry about the baby sucking off the nipple part. (I've read some crazy stories about this happening and baby gagging on the piece that falls in their mouth.)

8. Lillebaby 6-in-1 Carrier

• No need to buy new carriers when baby gets bigger! This grows with your baby, which makes it so worth the investment. I enjoy the simple design because I would get confused by those wraps! There is also a ton of support and I have yet to feel sore any where when I've worn G in this for hours. 

9. Graco Click Connect Stroller

• Oh my goodness! I {love} that I can grab the car seat out of the van and click it right into the stroller. This has made life easier when I pick up J from preschool, go on walks, or go for quick errands. When J was a baby, we were constantly lugging around that heavy, awkward car seat which is great for your forearms but terrible for your back. 

10. Baby Aquaphor

• Rash? Get the Aquaphor! Chapped lips? Aquaphor! Dry skin? Aquaphor! Cradle cap? Aquaphor! Get the picture? We use it all. the. time. 

Disclaimer: You don't need any of this stuff to raise a happy, healthy baby. These are only items that I've found to make raising a baby easier. I'm all about easy!